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David Letterman’s Top Ten List for March 28, 2000:
Top Ten Dumb Accountant Tax Tips

10. Don’t file a W-2 form unless your name begins with “W.”
9. Answer every question ‘Wouldn’t you like to know?”
8. Hide all money in mattress, on return write “No money hidden in mattress.”
7. If you’ve just eaten, don’t do taxes for at least half an hour.
6. Hire yourself as an employee, fire yourself, sue yourself for discrimination, deduct court costs.
5. Report $1 billion income so IRS will think you’re some sort of big shot.
4. For “charitable contributions,” list $9 you spent on last Kevin Costner movie.
3. Request bonus deduction because “easy” misspelled on 1040-EZ from.
2. To distract the auditor, enclose a photo of yourself naked.
1. Remember, you’ cant spell “taxes” without “CPA.”